Letter to.. someone from the past.

Dear LM,

Hey there. I’m been wondering recently.. how’s your life in JC now? Or just, how have you been doing?

I saw you once, when I was on the bus looking out.. You were there, walking to school and yeah, you looked happy. I had the urge there and then, to message you, to tell you to have a great day at school and perhaps, to ask you how you have been doing and whether it’s all good.

But then, I didn’t. I just couldn’t do it, somehow. Even if I know for sure that if I ever asked, you’d reply ever so sincerely and then ask where I ended up and how’s my life. Another thing that I’m sure about is how quickly we can get back to being friends again once either one of us makes the first move. It wouldn’t be easy getting back to how we were, but at least I’d still have you as a friend.

How we stopped being friends is really abrupt and the reasons.. I’m not too sure myself. It was just that that day we got pissed at each other because of the smallest of things. I guess the cause was the stress from the amount of school work or something. Both of us quarreled and after that, we did not talk anymore. Why, I do not know. I think it’s ’cause both of us didn’t dare to?

After that incident, it was like we had nothing to do with each other anymore, you lived your life and I lived mine. Even our classmates could tell, asking me what happened at times. I’ve always said, “Don’t tell you.” but in my head, it’s always been “I wonder what happened too..”

I remember those days and the times we spent at Bunk. Any weekday we ended school especially early, we’d go home, change and come back out. It was awesome having a best friend living within walking distance of my home and school.

The 10AM to 6PM for 6 bucks promotion was great, for obvious reasons. At times, my cousin and brother came along and we’d have so much fun together since we were in our own little guild. That’d always be one hour of “hyper-ing” and “spazzing”, with occasional screams and shouts. I miss and love those times, a lot.

I remember you getting shouted at by the man at the counter when you threw the mouse because you were angry you missed, the many cups of instant noodles we always had for lunch and dinner there, going for toilet breaks in between the 8 hours, us requesting for specific numbers for seats, the countless times we were so happy we thrashed the other people and teams, buying and spending lots of money on A-Cash cards.. I just remember so many things.. How foolish we were spending so much time and money on a game and lan included, but.. it’s totally worth it.

You changed though, you wanted more friends and yes, I got the message when you asked whether you could leave the guild because we were inactive. I said that it’s okay, go if you want to. But, I didn’t mean it. I was quite hurt, but it’s alright. Who am I to hold you back anyway? Besides, it’s just a game.

Things gradually got worse though. We fought a couple of times during work and stopped talking to each other until one of us made the first move. One time because of my cousin, another time when you didn’t understand that I was on the phone because of family issues.

I told you that day, while crying like some idiot, how you were not the first person I thought of when my dad left home and said that he wanted to divorce my mum. I explained the tricky situation at that moment and you didn’t seem to understand. You were angry at how I was on the phone all the time during work when you let the whole team relax at the playground for a couple of hours while you singlehandedly did the blocks.

Even then I went to help you, hiding from you as I go down the floors, when the others were just sitting around saying “Eh, LM need help or not ah?” but doing nothing much at all.

I must admit I don’t think I was that great a friend. There was a time when I got pissed off really easily, but you didn’t get mad at me at all. Reading the MSN chat logs, I realised how.. bad I was when I talked to you at times. I just wish for a chance to talk it out and make up with you someday..

.. and I hope it’s soon.

I was wondering whether to password-protect this, but decided against it because I’m actually hoping you’d see this. This is just a small part of my side of the story and it might not be exactly as it was or I thought, so I really want to know what’s your thoughts on everything that happened to us, whether you’re sorry like I am or whether you still want me as a friend.

I might just message you soon, one day. Maybe even tomorrow, who knows. Till then, take care of yourself. And you’re quite gullible, so I hope you have someone worrying for you. (:

With lots of love,
Pei Yun